Today is going to be a ‘Me’ day, said ‘I’ who stretched out of bed at 5am. Can I make it to the Carnival today? I knew the answer already (🤫) if I had to even ask myself that.
I spent yesterday spring cleaning the house and my wardrobe; which meant today was scheduled for a self indulgent ‘dress up’ day!
The few bags of clothes could wait till tomorrow for the charity shop as I began to run the bath for a long relaxing soak.
Why am I writing this?
Over the years I have been working relentlessly towards my dreams and pushing myself even when I should have taken a break. I achieved most of the things I wanted but I also lost a great deal. I lost the little priceless things that made me feel alive, connected to my spirit and outrageous.
I did not realise this till I lost my little brother and became grief stricken. I could not hide from this pain, I couldn’t brush it aside… I tried picking myself up but I couldn’t… So I decided to write a letter to my brother instead. The one letter has turned into 6 letters so far. I didn’t realise I had so much to say…phew
I decided to do some self loving this bank holiday weekend, (feeling lighter and positive) by changing the ambience of my environment starting with the house.
Just as I was about to put on something comfortable after my bath, I had the thought to dress up instead and go about my day. I grabbed my puffy Gold Kimono gown from Lumiere Woman, cowrie necklace from Malene Birger and cloth from Vlisco (head wrap).
Wrapping the headpiece took me back to my childhood, where I dressed up wearing my Mums vintage dresses (and quickly placing them back before she got home) and dreaming of being a Princess one day 😂😂😂.
Dressing up for me was a perfect escapism for a life I wished for, a dream I held close and the courage to pursue them. Growing up in an environment where being different (especially with your thought process) wasn’t encouraged, made it difficult to be expressive and creative. However I found a way of expressing myself with no inhibitions by dressing up (this time not hiding from my Mum) as I imitated her mannerisms and looks which made her laugh, to convincing my cousins Francisca and Jeanette to sing ‘Long Time Ago in Bethlehem ‘ at an Aunts wedding 😂😂😂 inclusive of the dreaded dodgy dance.
I had to take a few pictures for my memory bank about today. I feel lighter, I miss my brother (I told my cousin Juliet whilst writing this piece how much I miss Theo) I’m actually ‘welling’ up…phew.